


Sid and the Mannequin

by SlashnEggs



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Basically crack based on a yaoi manga, Dick's Sporting Goods employee Sid, M/M, Mannequin AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-19
Packaged: 2018-01-25 19:38:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1660058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlashnEggs/pseuds/SlashnEggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sid works at a remote Dick's Sporting Goods which has just required a 'mysterious' mannequin that looks oddly familiar...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sid and the Mannequin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ukiyo91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukiyo91/gifts).



> This fic was a birthday present to my sister, ukiyo91. She forced me to post it. Her real present was my posting of this crack. It's meant to read cliched and satirical as it is based on a yaoi manga I read. Also, I was kinda tipsy when I wrote it ;)

No one but Sid understood why there was such an increase of female customers in their lone Dick’s Sporting Goods store, located in a depressed outlet center in the backstreets of Pittsburgh. It was because of recent addition to the store, namely an uncanny valley mannequin that looked like it belonged in a wax museum than a sporting goods store. Sid had pondered why they even needed a mannequin in the first place, this wasn't an athletic wear establishment like their rival sporting store across them (of course they also got a sick kick out of it and made any excuse to make an inside joke (mostly that stupid blonde Patrick)). The mannequin was built like an Adonis, wide eyed with a dark mop of curly hair, washboard abs and biceps, thighs built to lift trucks, and an ass sculpted by the gods themselves. And yes, Sid did think of these things in addition to hearing them from the new female clientele. Sid had come out the closet long ago but didn't make his sexuality a big deal. He still did inventory checks, stocked the store with balls, and ordered all the sports magazines. His life was not that exciting and an extremely attractive mannequin wasn't going to change that. 

It did start to get annoying seeing all these girls just stare at the statue in its 6’4 glory and not buy a damn thing in the store. He thought about having a charge of 5 bucks just to take a selfie next to it and 10 bucks to touch it. Anything to stop Blackhawk Athletics to stop smirking at them while counting their money in front of the window. Who’ll be laughing then! 

Sid stared at his watch, bemoaning the extra five hours he had watching the store. On a Sunday, the store was mainly managed by two people but Sid had ‘graciously’ volunteered to cover Fleury’s shift so he could see a fucking Bruins game. Well, it was Sid and the mannequin. The mannequin that shouldn't look this goddamn attractive for an inanimate object. Seriously, whoever designed the thing should get a cookie for making the most realistic life size hockey barbie doll. His thoughts were interrupted by the giggling of some teenage girls. 

“I told you the cashier was looking at it with a lustful gaze!”

“It’s like that yaoi manga I read about the shopkeeper who wants to get fucked the mannequin, who's actually a prince!”

“Shut up, he’ll hear you.”

“I’m totes writing a fic about this when I get home.”

Yeah, if life were like a yaoi manga things would a lot different. Sid glared at the girls, who all shrieked gleefully as they exited the store in a clumpit, leaving Sid to stare unapologetically at the Michelangelo rivaling statue. Sid cursed when he started hearing thunder and began to make himself busy with his tenth inventory check for today. Who knows if someone may have stolen a tennis ball. 

Soon, a flash of lighting and a loud clap of thunder shook the store. The ground began shaking. An earthquake? In Pittsburgh? Sid was really not having a good day. The shaking subsided and all seemed well in the store. The floor wasn’t a mess, the balls were still in place, the mannequin was missing, no one injured...Wait, where was the mannequin?

Sid let out a confused “fuck” as the stared at the vacant podium homed to the hot inanimate object. No way. The thing couldn't have become alive and walked off like some Frankenstein bullshit. 

“‘xcuse me.”

Sid turned around and lo and behold, the attractive mannequin, no longer a mannequin, was right behind him, now even more gorgeous in the living flesh. 

“My name is Evgeni Malkin. Can’t speak English well. Need to go home to Russia.”

Sid just stared. He would remember if he smoked some weed today, but he didn't. He’s not an incompetent employee who falls asleep in the middle of a shift and have bizzaro porno dreams like the one he should be having now. His natural reflexes got the best of him as he grabbed the nearest baseball and swung it. 

“Get the fuck out of my store!”

“Wait, please listen-”

Sid was trained to take care of suspicious people who enter this store, even if it was the fucking mannequin. What he did not know was how strong this supposed statue was as he easily caught the bat with a muscled hand. The figure stared down Sid with brown, pleading eyes and really broad shoulders and a silky Russian accent. 

“Please listen. Don’t have much time. I been cursed. I need mate to stop curse.”

Sid just stared up with the same look he had when he was force to watch The Room and Mulholland Drive; lackadaisical confusion. 

“I play wing for team in Russia. A witch called Ovechkin cursed me to be a statue. Every full moon I become human again. The only way to break curse is to find true love.”

“Um, sir, I don’t need your fairy tale bullshit. I need you to get out of my store before I call the cops.

“Please. I know it sounds crazy but I need help. I need to find true love by today. I will play you back. Please.”

The mannequin, or Evgeni apparently, even got down on his knees, mouth open slightly with large eyes. Sid knew just by those eyes that this wasn't a crazy psychopath or something. The guy seemed serious, Maybe he was a fairy tale prince. Sid looked outside, it was still raining but not dark. Meaning the rain would last a couple hours before it would 10pm and then he would try and help the..prince or whatever the fuck he was. Until then…

“You know how to check inventory?”  
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
Evgeni was pretty smart for a guy frozen for god knows how many years. He got through all of the isles and had pretty good penmanship. The rain was still pounding but Evgeni was understanding that no one, even his supposed true love, would be out in the pouring rain. 

“So let me get this straight, this Ovechkin guy was jealous, experimented with some voodoo crap and it actually worked and you became a statue which somehow got shipped to Pittsburgh and the only way to break the spell is true love’s first kiss. Totally makes sense.”

The mannequin let out an amused, also adorable, chuckle, “Yeah, weird.”

“You take it so nonchalantly.”

“I just as confused as you in beginning. Luckily, I still hear so I pick up English as I got shipped.”

“Still, pretty impressive for a statue,” Sid muttered sarcastically. Sid was actually confused by how the statue had a sense of humor for a fucked up situation like this. Still, the guy seemed pretty chill and not stretchy and Sid was feeling lonely. Also, Sid got the once in a lifetime chance to watch the mannequin’s sweet ass bend over. He was a fine specimen of manhood. No wonder girls got so jittery over him.

“Ovechkin and I were star hockey players in Russia. You look like you play hockey too. You play hockey?” Evgeni grinned at him, all bright eyed and gorgeous, with curiosity and excitement. Sid pursed his lips lackadaisically.

“Hehe, I used too.”

“What do you mean used too?”

“I don’t like talking about it. It’s in the past and I want to forget it.” 

Evgeni walked over, giving Sid the most beautiful concerned expression he had ever seen. Seriously, this guy was sex on two feet!

“Don’t get to speak to people this often. Please tell me. I miss conversation.”

“Look, Evgeni…” As much as he wanted too, Sid did not want to blurt out his life story to him. Yes, he was beyond hot and probably hot enough to have a one night stand with, but Sid knew well he was safer concealing it. Afterall, all of his emotional baggage wouldn't impress Evgeni, despite the entrancing gaze directed at him. He didn’t want to, but those eyes almost compelled him. 

“Geno. Friends call me Geno.”

“Geno...nice name,” Sid grinned laconically. God no, now he was walking over to sit next to him. 

“Sid, I want to know.”

Sid sighed, no one else knew and the was probably gonna be a statue again soon enough so it meant nothing to tell him now. 

“I used to play for the NHL, captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins. I was called a prodigy by every news anchor and sports journalist in the country. I had it all. But once you have it all, you eventually go down. I did some things I shouldn't have done and I injured myself. I blamed other people for my mistakes and choices and it only led to losing the thing I needed the most. I loved hockey. I hated it when I left the league. They pitied me enough to give me this job but it only makes me hate sports even more. You know, maybe I should consider pissing someone off and making them do voodoo on me.”

“Sid…”

“It was tough enough being openly gay in major league sports. But backlash can be such a bitch. I took advantage of the help I got and abused myself in the end. It started out with people loving me, then hating me, then forgetting me.” 

Sid could feel the large hand on his shoulder give him comfort. He never had felt the need to vent like this before, especially in front of a statue of all things. Geno was probably pitting him.

“You said you played for NHL. You look familiar.”

“No one knows who I am anymore. They forget you after a you.”

“What is your full name?”

“Sidney Crosby.”

Geno eyes lite up, grabbing his shoulders and smiling into Sid’s face. 

“The Sidney Crosby? You were my idol. I loved playing hockey cause of you.”

“Um, thanks. Nice to find a fan who remembers me.”

“You no understand. I came out of closet because of you!”

“That’s go-wait, you’re gay?”

Geno nodded enthusiastically. 

“So your true love is…”

“A male true love! Pretty strange, no?”

All of sense had gone out the window. This was too much for Sid to handle to he failed to notice that he was laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor. It was not an ironic laugh, but one of genuine feeling. Geno looked puzzled at the display, a nervous smile painting his face.. “Was it something I said?”

“You’re a gift, you know that. So, who is your true love?”

“I don’t know yet. I know he must love hockey. I like dark hair, pouty lips, a good ass, and a great personality. Pretty stereotypical.” 

“Nah. Those are the key traits in defining the gay man wet dream.” 

Geno scratched his head, letting out his adorable laugh. “I probably will never find my true love. I don’t know where to start.”

Sid just started loving at Geno. He started to feel a more than just platonic interest in the statute. He was smokin’ hot. He was going to be searching for this supposed true love for a while, right? It was still raining. He had a great personality too. It wouldn't hurt to flirt a little more. “Did you have any crushes?

“This may be weird to say, but I had a big crush on you in the league.” Sid just sat surprised. No one had ever had a crush on him before. Sure he had a wild fan base but he could tell this crush was real, from the heart. He couldn't hold it in anymore. 

“Geno...would you be mad...if I could...no never mind.”

“No, please tell me.” 

“It’s silly.”

“I don’t care.”

“Can I...hug you?”

The two stare at each other. The silence was too much. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid ques-”

Before Sid could continue, he felt strong arms pull him into a sea of warmth. Geno was actually hugging him. His scent filled his mind and he felt warm, felt safe. Sid wanted to take it further, he grabbed Geno’s face and crashed his lips in a chaste kiss, full of comfort and desperation. Geno gladly reciprocated, meshing their lips, fitting their bodies together like a puzzle. Right and wrong went out the door and all that mattered was just the two. Geno was larger, but Sid knew that his size didn't impact his assertiveness. Geno’s large frame wrapped itself around Sid, dominating the kiss with nothing but teeth and tongue. Sid just melted; he would always be on top in the past but Geno was an exemption. He felt comfort like no other. 

Geno pushed him down, sucking on his neck while nearly ripping Sid’s clothes off, wanting to feel his toned body. He smirked when he grabbed Sid’s booty. Sid indeed met all of his true love requirements. 

Sid was in pure ecstasy. Geno’s mouth was all over him, his strong hands groping him, his strong thighs holding his body in place. He failed to notice that Geno had deftly removed all of his clothes but Sid did not care. He was heaven. 

Geno bit softly on his nipples, his tongue trailing down to his belly button. He lightly squeezed his cock, feeling it harden in his hands. Sid tried to cover his eyes, embarrassed but Geno quickly shot up and bit his ear. “Don’t hide, look at my face.” 

Geno grinned seeing Sid get red at that comment. an easy blusher, eh? He gave his ear a last lick before going down to his cock. Sid had a pretty thick dick, short and plump. The perfect cock to cock on. Geno shyly kissed the tip, gradually working the shaft at a pace Sid was not happy with. Sid bucked his hips, wanting to go deeper but Geno grasped his hips to hold him still. “Not so fast, Sid,” He whispered coyly, eventually deepthroating Sid in an instant. Sid screamed, covering his face, putting his fingers in his mouth. It was the most erotic sight Geno had ever seen before. He didn't want Sid to come just yet. He then wasted no time prepping his pink, needy entrance. 

Sid had never felt this much pleasurable sex before. This beat all of the one night flings we had with the groupies, overtly sexual fanboys, and the eager bar hoppers. Geno knew his sensitive spots, knew how Sid wanted to pleasured, knew how to get him hard without with mouth. Sid licked his lips as Geno began to slowly strip, rolling his hips as he pulled his pants down. Geno’s cock was long, hard, and fucking him fast and deep. He gave Sid one last kiss, a romantic peak before entering him nice and slow. Sid wrapped his whole body around Geno, wanting to absorb his warmth. He nearly screamed as he felt Geno move, holding him with his weight. Geno lifted his butt off the ground to reach deeper. He was close. Both were close. After hitting his prostate. Geno saw nothing but stars. Literally, he saw stars. Stars that engulfed him. He woke up next to Sid, sleeping comfortably under his arm. Geno looked outside at the sunny sky. He had broken the curse! Was Sid his true love?

Sid lazily opened his eyes, seeing a Geno stare at him excitedly. 

“Curse is broken, Sid.”

“Wait, does that mean-”

“Yes. And I love you.”

Sid couldn't speak. He could only feel Geno’s weight engulf him. Sid felt at peace. “I love you you too, Geno.”

Both were awakened from their love filled fantasy when they heard a camera click. There stood Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews, the owners of Blackhawk Athletic taking pictures as a gaggle of fangirls stared at the two in pure awe. Sid was too tired and happy to fight back.


End file.
